Pwnd

When referring to a Shetland pony "that foal hasn't grown much"

Strawberries

You must cut the runners off the strawberry plant as it will drain too much energy away from growing the fruit

Beans

Don't beans grow underground?

Apple Harvest

Do you get two crops of apples off the trees each year?

Warm Beer

The only place you can store beer to brew is in the pantry - it has the optimal temperature. No other room will do

On Sharing Birthdays

You're not allowed to have a baby on my birthday. I am not sharing my birthday with the baby

Ironing

You should iron my shirts for me, don't you want me to get a promotion?

Party Ratio

Always have way more girls than boys, better to have quantity rather than quality to increase your odds

Hot Water

After using all the hot water: You should wait until later in the day if you want a hot shower

Takeaway Pasta

All takeaway pasta is limp

Beige

That colour between pink and brown

Knitting Needles

I can sit on knitting needles, I'm well padded

On Households

I'm the head of the household, I have veto rights!

Boston Marathon

I don't get why the president turned up to the memorial, more people die in car accidents

Smoothies

smoothies should only have one fruit