Ironing

You should iron my shirts for me, don't you want me to get a promotion?

Party Ratio

Always have way more girls than boys, better to have quantity rather than quality to increase your odds

Hot Water

After using all the hot water: You should wait until later in the day if you want a hot shower

Takeaway Pasta

All takeaway pasta is limp

Beige

That colour between pink and brown

Knitting Needles

I can sit on knitting needles, I'm well padded

On Households

I'm the head of the household, I have veto rights!

Boston Marathon

I don't get why the president turned up to the memorial, more people die in car accidents

Smoothies

smoothies should only have one fruit